The Feeling of you
by Raita-san
Summary: Orihara Izaya hates Heiwajima Shizuo. Well, that's what he thought at first. Shizaya Highschool/Shizaya fluff/Izaya POV/Major OOC-ness/ crappy grammar
1. Chapter 1

**My first Shizaya fanfic without crazy crossovers! XD Don't worry guys! I'm gonna finish Second Meeting. I just needed to make something like this to increase more reviews.**

**Anywayz, got the title from one of the MAD PVs in youtube. But I won't tell you~ (trololololol) Enjoy the story!**

**And yes, I changed my pen name to raita-san(writer-san). **

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><p>Ikebukuro, A city full of strange phenomenons and happenings. In this city stood a school named Raira Highschool. Raira isn't that prestigious, but it was a pretty good school with well-maintained grounds and good facilities. I go to this school along with some 'friends' of mine.<p>

My name is Orihara Izaya. I'm 16 years old and I love humans. Why you ask? That's because humans are selfish and dull. But that's what makes them interesting. They're desires, needs and selfishness entertain me so much. I just can't stop myself from loving and manipulating them. I love to make them suffer just for fun. It pleases me. I love all of them.

But.

One person. No. Monster. Made me break this principle of mine. His name is Heiwajima Shizuo. He's unreasonable and unpredictable. Saying 'he hates violence' is just too cliché of him, He's violence himself. I mean, he can rip off street signs from solid pavement and can carry anything 3 to 5 times his size! He doesn't do anything I expect him to. He's so unpredictable…

And I hate how much I love him.

That's right, yours truly, loves a monster. I don't know why this happened. The first time I met him, I hated him. But when a year passed and I realized that I actually felt infatuation towards this monster. It's shocking isn't it? I, Orihara Izaya, has fell head over heels for a monster.

I hate this feeling. It Hurts…..

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><p>Once again, me and Shizu-chan were on our little game of 'tag'. I ran in the hall with fast steps and a smirk visible on my face. Behind me ran Shizu-chan carrying a desk. He panted harshly and gritted his teeth, trying to fasten his pace just to catch me.<p>

Pity him.

I made a rough left turn at the corner and entered through the door to the roof. Shizu-chan did the same. I ran up the steps with no problem. While the protozoan was having a hard time trying not to fall. He hurled the desk at me but it missed my head a centimeter too short.

"Ahahahahahaha! You can do better than that Shi~zu-chan!~" I laughed. It's no fun when he's only doing a half-assed job to kill me. It may cost my life to play with him, but hey, I don't want to get bored.

"don't worry _I~ZA~YA-KUUN~!" _he shouted with that sickly sweet voice. "When we reach the roof, I won't hesitate to beat you up senseless!" That's what he always say. But in the end, he couldn't catch me.

I finally reached the door to the roof. I kicked the door open and ran to the corner of the building. I brought out my knife and pointed at the door where Shizu-chan will appear. Sweat trickled down my face and I panted heavily with my devilish smile.

Shizu-chan arrived and stopped at the doorway. He saw that I had nowhere to go. Just like a trapped mouse. He gave out his savage grin and kicked the door close, not taking his eyes off me. He shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way towards me.

"looks like the cat wins today, I~za~ya-Kun~"

"Cat? Really Shizu-chan, I prefer you to be called as a 'monkey' instead. Besides, you throw stuff randomly at someone due to irritation and impulse" . There is nothing more I can enjoy than provoking this protozoan. I find it entertaining.

His savage look faded and was replaced with a scowl. He ran towards me and threw a punch. I dodged his hit. He destroyed the metal fence behind me which made it fall down to the ground below. The people below scattered to avoid getting hit. I jumped at the top of the fence which wasn't affected by Shizu-chan's monstrous strength. I spread both of my hands to support my balance. I turned to him and flashed him my all-knowing smirk. He glared at me and gritted his teeth while growling like a mad dog. "My My Shizu-chan, can't you think before you act? You know better than anyone that I'm light as a feather that I can dodge anything. Your protozoanic brain still has it's uses you know."

His growl became louder " Shut the fuck up, louse….. I hate you" He spat.

My heart clenched from those 3 simple words. It felt like I was being pierced with a million needles. He's been saying those words over and over again since the first day we met. Those words have been said by many, directed to me. I got used to it. But once he says it. I still can't get used to it at all.

I just smirked to hide the pain. "ahahaha, I know such a thing Shizu-chan" I turned away from him. "Besides, that feeling between us is mutual" I jumped.

The blonde just stared at the part where I jumped off the building. He stood there with wide eyes trying to process what I just did. He blinked then ran to the part of the roof where the fence was no longer present. He kneeled down to see a better view to see the ground. No body was found on the ground. "What the-….. Where?"

"YAHOO SHIZU-CHAN!~ "

He looked to the side and saw me sitting on a window frame of a classroom with a smile.

His worried expression disappeared was instantly filled with an expression full of rage "IIZAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAAA!" He yelled at the top of his lungs while waving his fist " I SWEAR I'M GONNA FUCKIN' KILL YOU!"

I laughed and swung my feet " ahahahaha! Were you worried about me Shizu-chan? Anyway, Maybe next time! It's time for my next class! See ya~!" I yelled back so he can hear me. I went inside the classroom which made all eyes stare at me. I just smiled at them then I skipped out of the classroom. I heard Shizu-chan yell my name and then was followed by a sound. He probably punched a wall.

I skipped down the hall with a smile. I remembered the words he said to me awhile ago.

" _Shut the fuck up, louse….. I hate you"_

" _I SWEAR I'M GONNA FUCKIN' KILL YOU!"_

My skipping slowed down and I look at the floor. My expression filled with sadness. Hoping no one would see me like this. "The feeling is mutual, Shizu-chan…"

"Just…. Mutual.."

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><p>I slid the door to the classroom open and walked in. I sat on my chair and rested my head on my desk. I looked around the room but no blonde monster was found in the premises.<p>

'Shizu-chan's still probably at the roof..'

"Izaya-kun!~"

I looked to my side and saw Shinra looking down at me with that goofy smile plastered on. I lifted my head off the desk and leaned back on my chair, flashing him with a smile "Oh hello Shinra! I don't remember they let monkeys inside the school"

He pouted and sat on the desk right next to my own "I don't remember being born as a monkey Izaya-kun. So? How did your little 'love game' with Shizuo-kun go?" He said with a smile.

I scoffed and looked at him with an eyebrow raised "Really Shina? 'Love Game'? I prefer it to called 'Hate to Death Game'. Besides, the only feeling we have when we chase each other is absolute loathing"

Shinra knew about my pitiful love towards a certain blonde a long time ago. I didn't tell him anything that had hints of it. He just noticed it by my movements and such in front of Shizu-chan. He has experiences on love after all. Due to his love towards a headless Dullahan.

Thanks to this emotion I'm currently having. I'm acting more and more like a human. Damn it.

"So you haven't confessed yet?" His expression turned sad.

I chuckled and shook my head " Shinra Shinra…, you know Shizu-chan better than me, He'll just laugh at my face and throw something at me if I confess. He'll just think of it as a joke coming from me. I'm contented with our current relationship. Besides, I'm only compatible with hate as a feeling and an enemy to Shizu-chan." I waved my hand.

Shinra was about to retort until the Teacher came. "Okay Class! No greetings cause I'm tired and I had a shitty day today. Let's just go ahead with the role calls!"

The students stayed quiet as they returned to their seats. One thing was this teacher is so irresponsible.

The teacher slammed his book and the attendance book on the desk and opened it. "Say present when I call your name, got that _bitches_?"

'_Bitches'?_ Really… I have never seen such an irresponsible and rude teacher in my whole life.

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><p>12 role calls later…<p>

"Fuukaku Hana"

"Present!"

"Hagoki Shota"

"Present.."

"Heiwajima Shizuo"

"…"

"Heiwajima Shizuo?" called the teacher once again. All of the students looked around except me.

"Huh? Where's Heiwajima-kun?"

Well, I was the only one who knew where he was.

"Probably at the roof sensei! Should I go fetch him?" I asked.

The teacher gave me a disapproving look. "Orihara-kun, You might provoke him when you get there. And it will lead to mass destruction. I'll just get another student to get him. So, Anyone wanna get that lazy bastard?" He called out.

Nobody dared to raise a hand or make a noise. Everyone was afraid of the blonde's strength. Going to him would be like going to a lion's den out of curiosity. Well, I wasn't afraid of him.

"See Sensei?" I said "So? Are you gonna let me get him?" I asked once again. But this time with more confidence and with a smirk painted on my lips.

He stared at me for 10 seconds then sighed in defeat "okay okay you win Orihara-kun. If you guys got into a fight again. Don't come back here. Go straight to the infirmary as usual" He said as he took his book and opened it.

I nodded then skipped my way to the door. I closed it then proceeded my way to the monster.

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><p>I opened the door with caution and poked my head out to see if anything might come flying at me. I opened it wider then stepped out "Shizu-chan!" I called out.<p>

Yes Yes I know that calling out his name would be dangerous. But I like to take risks. Life is all about taking risks right?

I walked farther away from the door then turned my head, searching for the protozoan. I noticed the wall had a small crater on it. Probably Shizu-chan got pissed off earlier that he decided to make the wall his victim.

"Shiiiii~zu-chaaaaan~! Where are you~!" I shouted once again.

"Shiiizu-"

"_Snore…_"

_Snore?_

I walked to the source of the snoring which was at the back side of the roof. I stopped when I saw Shizu-chan sleeping peacefully. He was leaning on the wall and his head tilted to the side, lips slightly parted.

My mouth's corners turned slightly upward from the sight. He looks cute.

What? Got a problem with me saying Shizu-chan looks cute?

I walked to him hesitantly. Thinking that he might wake up any moment now. I crouched and started poking his cheeks with my index finger "Shizu-chan wake up. Sensei told me to get you." Not bothering to keep my voice down.

He just groaned slightly and shifted a little. I jumped slightly and proceeded to stand. But was stopped when Shizu-chan snored again.

I pouted then squatted on the floor "Your such a hard sleeper Shizu-chan. Your so open right now that I might jump on you and slice your throat open with my knife" I stared at him for 30 seconds for a response. But he didn't.

I sighed then I scratched the back of my neck, thinking of what to do. Usually I would know what exactly to do in these kinds of situation, But with Shizu-chan in the picture. My ideas go away. I look at him again. Remembering that I'm actually alone with him.

I just can't take my eyes off him.

I smiled "you know Shizu-chan? You really don't get it. All of those provoking wasn't enough for you to notice even a smidge."

_Why…. Don't you notice?_

I moved on top of him and looked at Shizuo with a sad expression. Hoping he won't wake up. And at the same time, hoping he'll wake up to hear me" I know you can't hear me right now. But I still want to tell you."

_Why does it hurt?_

"You're an idiot" I held his hand with my left and I placed my right hand on his chest. Feeling his steady heartbeat. " You absolutely… don't get it" I moved closer until our faces were only inches apart.

"When will you notice that I don't you hate you like I used to" I captured his lips with mine, savoring the moment. Then I pulled away from him and I looked at him searching for something I can't describe. Tears began swelling on the corners of my eyes.

" I love you Shizu-chan… I love you that it hurts."

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><p><strong>Poor Poor Iza-chan :( This is probably my first time writing a kissing scene. And I suck XD<strong>

**Anyway this is not the end! There are still more chapters to come! Probably it will end on the 4****th**** or 5****th**** chapter of the story..**

**Anyway, Review my lovelies~!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay guys, I'm at school right now.. XD It's actually our computer class and our teacher gave us free time to surf the net or something. Too bad he blocked facebook and youtube :(. **

**But luckily, and DA isn't that well known in this school. I'm probably the only one who knows about these two websites XD.**

**So anyway,….. I think this fanfic will reach 6-7 chapters instead of 4-5… and plus an epilogue and the reason why I made this. (especially where I got my inspiration). Enough chit-chat! Just read the damn story XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! And it's characters. I only own the crappy story.**

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><p>Class was finally done. I took all of my stuff from the desk and shoved them in my bag swiftly. Not wanting to talk or see anyone right now. Especially the blonde brute.<p>

Speaking of which, Where is he right now? Well, I don't want to see him at this time. Especially with what I did to him awhile ago while he was asleep.

I blushed from the memory and stormed right out of the classroom. I ignored the confused stares directed at me. Besides, it's rare for the great Orihara Izaya to lose his cool. I walked fast while clutching onto my shoulder bag. Repeating 'don't want to see him don't want to see him don't want to see him' all over and over again in my head.

"Izaya-kun!"

I stopped then I looked back. I saw Shinra running to me with a big smile on his face. Ever since he knew about my secret, he has been following me and helping me with my love problem.

He stopped right in front of me and panted heavily while crouching down holding onto his knees "Wh-Where are you going?" He said with that smile still on his face. he struggled to catch some breath. He must have been running all over the school.

"Where do you think I'm going? I'm going home" I said plainly.

Shinra cleared his throat and fixed his tie "You have your information giving job, so you could be anywhere in Ikebukuro" His smile grew wider "Anyway, I wanted to walk home with you!"

I stared at him for a short time with a blank look then turned away to proceed on walking. The idiot ran to my side then slowed down to match my pace "Shinra, I didn't say you can walk home with me" I said without looking at him. Then we arrived at the shoe lockers.

"I just wanted to talk with you Izaya-kun" he said as he opened his locker "about Shizuo-kun"

I paused halfway on inputting the code on my lock "What _about_ Shizu-chan?" I said in a serious voice.

"I wanted to talk about him because I've heard some interesting news from our classmates while you were out to get Shizuo-kun" He said as he put on his shoes.

"News?" I repeated. I chuckled as I took out my shoes and closed the locker "And I thought I was the informant here"

He laughed a little and proceeded to the door. He stopped and looked back with a smile on his face "There are some things you don't know Izaya-kun"

"o contraire! Shinra!" I shouted as I flung my hands on the air dramatically. He rolled his eyes then observed as I slipped on my shoes and walked out of the door. Shinra followed close by me.

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><p>We arrived in my neighborhood and walked towards my house. We haven't exchanged words ever since we got out of school. My head was full of that 'news' that Shinra told me.<p>

What kind of news? Good news? Or Bad news?

I inhaled deeply and exhaled. Trying to calm myself down. "So Shinra, what 'news' were you talking about?" I asked. Looks like curiosity got the best of me.

"The news? Oh that!" He said in a sad smile. He looked up the sky still with that sad smile on his face. "You know Mitsukake Hana right?" He said. It looks like he was admiring the orange sky.

I scoffed "No du'h! I know everyone in our school! After all, I am the amazing Orihara Izaya!" I shouted for the whole world to hear while waving my hands in the air.

"I'm not here to talk about how amazing you are Izaya-kun"

Ouch.

"Anway, as I was saying. Mitsukake Hana likes Shizuo-kun and she was planning on confessing to him by this week"

My heart skipped a beat just by hearing that. Dammit Shinra. You should have told me if it good or bad! I put my hands down and made them fall to my sides "Oh? So there are some girls who exist that could still fall in love with a beast? AHAHAHAHAHA! Well isn't this interesting!"I laughed to hide the pain I was feeling right now.

"Well, _you_ love Shizuo-kun"

And you had to point that out? I know my own feelings you idiot.

"Well I'm not a girl, now am I?"

"But the fact that your still a guy doesn't change your love for Shizuo-kun now does it?"

Stop being such a smartass Shinra.

I stopped and looked at the ground. Shinra stopped as well and looked at me with a confused look.

"Are you done talking?" I said in a serious voice. Not taking my eyes off the ground. For some reason, the pavement looked interesting.

"Nope" Shinra said as he walked closer to me.

God dammit Shinra. Are you having fun torturing me? I'm already in enough pain.

He rested his hand on my shoulder and said in a serious and sad tone "You should confess before it's too late Izaya-kun"

My eyes narrowed "It was already too late.." I mumbled. I walked away, ignoring that Shinra was still standing in the same spot. I headed home, thinking of Shinra's words.

Confess?

Honestly, Shizu-chan might even beat the crap out of me before I could say anything. It's better this way… I don't need the love of that protozoan. As long as I can get his attention and look at me, I'm just fine with that.

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><p><em>The Next Day<em>

I was sitting on my desk, staring outside the window, with my head leaning on my knuckles. My attention was on a bird feeding it's chicks on a tree. Our irresponsible homeroom teacher was absent for the day, and there were no substitutes . So our class was free. All of these pity humans only talk about meaningless and uninteresting stuff all the time. I had nothing to do and I'm not planning on pestering the monster right now. I couldn't sleep properly last night because I was thinking of Shinra's words and Shizu-chan. Speaking of Shizu-chan, he's here, but sleeping. Not caring about the world right now and not caring that his nemesis is inside the room.

Honestly, he really is a dim-witted protozoan.

I sighed heavily and rested my head on my desk. Shizu-chan can sleep, but why can't I do the same? I was about to close my eyes until a shadow towered over me. I looked up to see Dota-chin.

"Hey Dota-chin!" I lifted my head from the desk and smirked at him.

"Don't call me Dota-chin" He growled annoyingly "Anyway, is there something bothering you?" He asked in a serious tone. Not even a hint of concern in it.

I tilted my head to the side and gave him an innocent clueless look "hn~? What do you mean? Nothing's bothering me!"

"No. Something's definitely bothering you. You've been sighing and looking outside that window all day" He said. This time with a hint of concern in his voice.

So he noticed?

I didn't answer him. I stared at him with an emotionless expression for a short time then looked outside the window again. Spotting the bird once again.

"It's because of Shizuo right?"

My eyes widened and I whipped my head to his direction.

H-He knows?

When?How?Why?_**WHO?**_

_**WHO TOLD HIM?**_

I can't let anyone (other than Shinra) know about these feelings I have for the blonde brute. This might spread and will reach him!

I should do something _**fast!**_

The corners of my lips went up and a laugh escaped. I laughed like a mad man and I leaned back on my chair while I held onto my stomach. There wasn't any other option I could choose but this. I stopped my laughing and looked at him with a smile.

I wiped a tear from my eye "Shizu-chan? Of all things you had to guess _Shizu-chan?_ AHAHAHAHA! Dota-chin! Come up with something better! AHAHAHAHAHA!" I went back to laughing again.

He sighed in annoyance and rubbed his temples, his other hand inside his pocket. He leaned closer and whispered to my ear "You don't need to deny it Izaya. Shinra told me everything about your feelings towards Shizuo" After he whispered he left my ear and went back to his position earlier.

I stopped my laughing and I looked at him. I can guess my expression looked priceless. I gritted my teeth and grabbed Dota-chin by his collar and pulled him down that our faces were dangerously close. I gave him a menacing look "**Roof NOW"** I growled with my teeth showing.

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><p>Me, Dota-chin and Shinra were on the roof. My back was leaning on the metal fence while Dota-chin squatted on the floor with Shinra. Shinra was looking down the ground looking quite guilty. The metal fence that Shizu-chan smote yesterday was replaced. The school replaces destroyed property every day because of Shizu-chan's little game of 'tag' with me. Well, not only the school but the whole city.<p>

Shinra was able to come with us because while me and Dota-chin were heading to the roof, we managed to come across him. And of course, I grabbed him to come along with us. I needed to talk to him. Or rather, give him a little 'reward'. And by 'reward', I mean severe punishment from hell.

"Shinra~" I said with my usual tone but with malice and a smiling face to match. "What did I told you when I entrusted you with my secret?"

His eyes were impossible for me to see. "to not tell anyone about this" He mumbled with guilt.

I threw my knife and it missed a centimeter from Shinra's cheek. This caused a part of Shinra's hair to fall from the blade. Shinra didn't even move when the knife passed. The knife got impaled to the wall. I intended to miss Shinra of course.

"**WRONG!" **I yelled. This caused Shinra to flinch. This time my expression was filled with rage. "**I SAID NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS! ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE CLOSE TO YOU AND ME! NO EXCEPTIONS!**"

Shinra continued to look down. Not daring enough to look at me in the eyes after abandoning my trust.

Dota-chin quitted on being the silent observer and decided to say something "Hey Izaya, don't get angry at Shinra. He only told me, no one else. Besides, He knew that I'm trustworthy enough to keep your secret. So just chill" He sighed.

Shinra looked up and looked at Dota-chin with an admiring look, eyes glimmering "Kadota! Have I told you how much I love you?"

Dota-chin looked at Shinra with a look full of disgust "No. So get away from me Shinra. Your freaking the hell out of me" he said as he scooted farther from the crazy soon-to-be doctor. This made Shinra sulk in a corner.

Serves him right.

I sighed heavily and I massaged my temples to calm myself down "Shinra, you didn't tell anyone else right?" I asked. Who knows who else he could have told about my secret.

Shinra lifted his head and said in a happy face "Nope! Only Kadota!" He stayed silent for some time then his expression turned sheepish "Well,…. I might have told Celty. Then my dad overheard our conversation…"

"Shinraaaaaa~" I said in a menacing tone. I walked my way to Shinra with my knife ready to cut something. And that something is this crazy four-eyed idiot.

"I'm Sorry! Please Izaya-kun don't kill me! I haven't even expressed enough love towards my lovely Celty! And plus, I'm a virgin!" He shouted with his voice full of desperation. He kept on backing up with each step I took.

"Who gives a fuck Shinra. Now c'mere~ … I think the first thing I should cut is your mouth so there will be no more annoying blabbering from you. You might even become more of a legend than *Kuchisake Onna if I widen the corners of your mouth! What do you say Shinra~?" I said while I licked my knife. I really want to cut something so badly.

"I'd rather not Izaya-kun. I still have so many things to live for!" He gulped when I grabbed him by his tie. I held him up and the tip of my knife was ready to cut the corner of his mouth. Dota-chin just looked at both of us with an uninterested look "This might hurt a bit~" I chuckled evilly.

_**RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!**_

The school bell rang for lunch. Shinra sighed in relief. I clicked my tongue and dropped the idiot on the ground. "Of all times, it had to ring _**now?**_" I growled as I pocketed my knife.

"How badly do you want me dead?" asked Shinra as he stood up and patted the dust off his pants.

I ignored his question and I walked to the door to get my lunch box. Dota-chin and Shinra followed, but they stayed 3 meters away from me. Both could sense death emitting from my body as I descended the stairs.

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><p><strong>I had fun writing this! XD anyway, right now. There's no internet.. tch… =3=<strong>

**Anyway, if your wondering who Kuchisake Onna is. She's the slit-mouthed woman in one of the Japanese legends. She wears a brown coat and a flu mask on her face. If you come across her she'll ask "Am I beautiful?" If you answer Yes, She'll reveal the horrible scar on her face and make an identical cut on your face with a knife or scissors to make you look like her. If you say no, she'll still kill you because you insulted her XD. But if you say "average" that will leave her thinking for awhile and it'll give you enough time to escape from her wrath. But don't worry she only targets little kids :D. **

**Hnnn…. I'll probably make a comic or story about Izaya coming across Kuchisake Onna :D.**

**Anyway, that's all. Review for the next chapter my lovelies~!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Aiiiiyaaaahhh! After I'm finished with this story I'm gunna make a ShitsuSaku fic XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! And it's characters. I only own the crappy story.**

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><p>Me, Shinra, Dota-chin and sadly Shizu-chan was with us eating lunch on the roof top. When I found out that Shizu-chan was gonna eat with us today. I tried to leave but the idiotic doctor Shinra forced me to stay here and eat. I just kept my head low, staring at my untouched food.<p>

Dammit. I really don't want to see this protozoan right now. Especially when I'm like this.

Dota-chin glanced at me, noticing I haven't took a single bite out of my lunch yet. "Izaya? Are you feeling okay?"

"huh?" I looked up with a slightly surprised look. Shinra and him were looking at me with a concerned look. While Shizu-chan was just eating his food with no care for the world. I flashed them with my smirk "nah~ I'm fine! I lost my appetite because Shizu-chan eats like a caveman. It makes me sick just by looking at him"

Said person almost choked on the onigiri he ate. He shot me a cold glare "excuse me?" He growled.

I grinned at his reaction "you heard me~, your manners are so unprofessional. Honestly, I think a 5 year old can even eat properly without getting rice all over his face"

Shizu-chan cringed at this and quickly wiped his face with his sleeve. He shot me another glare with a little pink dusted in his cheeks from embarrassment. He grabbed Shinra's lunch box and threw it at me with all of his strength. **" THE LUNCH MY LOVELY CELTY MADE ME!"** Shinra yelled in agony as his lunch was submitted to the sky. I laughed and sprinted towards the door.

"**IZAAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAAA!"** He shouted while waving his fist in the air before running right behind me.

I laughed madly as I dodged the flying objects the protozoan hurled at me in the hallway.

I smiled sadly. Yes, this is how it's supposed to be…

There is no such thing as 'love' between us.

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><p>As the final period finished, I fixed up all of my things and left the door. I looked around to see if the protozoan was around doing protozoic things, like waiting for me with a vending machine above his head ready to hit me with it.<p>

I smiled from the thought.

I passed from the school soccer field and saw an awfully familiar figure from the corner of my eye. I whipped my head to the direction of the said figure and my eyes widened.

Shizu-chan was talking to that "Mitsukake Hana" girl. From here, I could see that she had brown hair, a perfect body and was obviously, well, a GIRL.

I was practically sticking my face on the window and stared at them wide-eyed.

I could see that Mitsukake-san was fidgeting and telling Shizu-chan like "I need something to tell you". Shizu-chan just scratched the back of his head like the clueless dumb brute he is. Then she shoved a box of chocolate in front of Shizu-chan's face and probably shouted her feelings to him.

Then, from this view.

I could see that Shizu-chan was blushing. He looked like he was having trouble looking for words he should say in return. He held out his hand to accept the boxed chocolate. If he takes that box…

Does that mean he's also accepting the girl's feelings?

His hand was only a centimeter away from the box. I turned away before I could see him take the chocolate. I bit my lip before running towards the exit of the school building. Tears began welling up on the corners of my eyes. I wiped them with my sleeve as I continued running to my home.

When I arrived, I slammed the door open and I ignored my mom's welcome as I ran upstairs to my bedroom. I opened the door and slammed it close. I leaned my back on it and I still had my hand curled around the door knob tightly. I noticed I was still biting my lip when I tasted the coppery flavor of blood in my mouth. I gave out a shaky sigh as I slid down to the floor and pulled my knees closer. I hugged my knees and rested my head on them as I finally let out the sob I was holding back ever since back at school.

I didn't hold anything back. I let everything go. My tears, my sobs, my shudders and my feelings.

I swear, this will be the only night I'll show my feelings. The only night I'll let everything go.

* * *

><p>"Izaya? Sweetie?"<p>

I woke up from the knock on my door. I rubbed my eyes with my sleeves to wipe the dried up tears and stood up to greet my mother. I opened the door with my usual happy expression. "Hey mom! What's up?"

She gave me a warm smile "It's dinner time already" her eyes widened slightly. She inched closer to my face with her eyes squinted to observe my face.

God, please don't let her notice.

"Honey, have you been crying?" She asked in a worried tone with a concerned expression painted on her face.

Great. I sighed "no mom. I was just staring at the wall without blinking."

That has to be the worst lie I have ever told.

Her expression bore a pained expression " Izaya dear, I know you've been crying. I can tell because you're eyes are red" She smiled warmly "You can tell me all about it Izaya, I'll listen"

I blinked in surprise. Then I lowered my head down to look down at the floor. "Maybe… after Dinner" I answered in a low voice. I walked down the stairs to the dining table and sat. I looked at my food and saw ootoro. Really, why should I feel this gloomy when there's ootoro, The most heavenly – flavored delicacy I know, on my dinner plate. I tried to smile and giggle in a childly-manner, but I couldn't do it. I just stared at it like it was unknown to me. I heard footsteps come near me and a chair being dragged to my side.

My mother faked a cough to get my attention.

I turned my head slowly at her direction with a blank expression. She just smiled at me and held my shoulder. "Izaya, how about you tell me now because you don't look like you're in the mood for eating" she joked. But I wasn't affected by it.

I looked back at my ootoro and changed the topic "Where's Mairu and Kururi?".

"With you're aunt. Sweetie, don't dodge the question. I don't like seeing you in pain like this" She said as she gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze.

I don't feel like telling her though. I mean, who wants to hear her son being all gay over some guy or worse, his enemy, in school and is about to get a hot girlfriend? I felt down all of a sudden. Great, I just got hurt by my own thoughts.

"I don't really want to talk about it right now mom I-" I lowered my head more "I'm not sure you would like it"

She blinked once in confusion before smiling warmly. She gave me a warm hug "aww, don't worry sweetheart. No matter what it is. I'll be fine"

I looked up at her with eyes gleaming in hope "R-really?"

She grinned "really!"

I smiled and held back incoming tears "Th-thanks mom"

She smiled in response before dragging her chair even closer to me "So? What's been troubling you?"

I took a deep breathe and exhaled. Who knows? Maybe she won't believe that her one and only son just turned gay all of a sudden. And was crying because the guy he liked accepted a confession from someone.

I looked at her with a worried look and stuttered.

"M-Mom"

"I'm in love with a guy"

* * *

><p><strong>OH NO! WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR DEAR IZAIZA! STAY TUNED! Sorry if this chapter was a little boring. <strong>

_Nazupii: I agree with yah :D GO KILL 'IM! XD Joke. We need Shinra to encourage IzaIza to confess to Shizu-chan already :3  
>Kairichin: OMG thanks! and I'm really sorry for my grammar. 'Cause sometimes I'm in a rush. and I can't have the time to double check my spelling, grammar and stuff.<br>usa-san1: ahahahaha sorry usa-chan. And thanks alot. and write fics already! Many people will love you're genius!  
>AsikIkisa: Nah... it's not really that great. And is it really realistic? :D<br>Deaz: Yes, go right ahead. I will let you. 'cause I also hate her, even though I made her up XD _

**Please review my lovelies to see what will happen next~! **


	4. Chapter 4

**RAAHH! I swear to God the next chapter should be the last one! I need to make the new fic I'm thinking about. The Shizuo and Izaya counterparts will be there.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara and it's characters! I only own the crappy story XP**

* * *

><p>Mom stared at me wide and stuttered "A g-guy?".<p>

I knew it.

I sighed and grabbed my plate of ootoro from the table before standing up "Forget what I said just said mom. Good night" I mumbled to her as I walked upstairs. "D-Dear? Wai-" I closed the door before I could even hear her continue from downstairs.

It's useless. What was I even thinking? My mom would just accept it with open arms and say it's fine for me to love a person with the same gender as my own? Impossible. Face it, this is real life. Not some corny mushy drama from TV. If this was, I could have already confessed to Shizu-chan already. I wouldn't feel this heaviness inside me.

I could have got rid rid of these human emotions.

I felt a tear roll down my right cheek. I wiped it with my sleeve as I placed the plate on my computer desk.

I never liked crying.

It shows signs of weakness and fragility. Tears are a bother to humans. I hate crying. I hate weakness. I hate being sad.

I hate Shizuo for making me do these embarrassing things. I hate Heiwajima Shizuo.

Yet,

I still love him.

I walked to the bed and threw myself on it. I could hear the springs creak in protest. My phone rang, but I didn't bother to pick it up. I don't feel like talking to anyone even if it's not all about my problem.

I didn't bother changing clothes because I didnt feel like walking to the closet and get some clothes. I'm fine sleeping in like this. This is probably what I do everyday, I lie down in bed without changing my clothes. Even if they were wet, mudded or bloodied. I don't really know why, I just don't feel like doing anything after I go home. And today is probably the worst. I don't feel like eating at all.

Fuck Shizu-chan for doing this to me.

I closed my eyes and made the tears flow. I grabbed my blanket and pulled it close to me as I cried. Honestly, I've lost count of how many times I've cried today.

I'm tired of everything. I want to disappear.

* * *

><p>Once again, our irresponsible homeroom teacher skipped. Sometimes, I wish that teacher would just get fired from our school.<p>

Last night was depressing. I cried myself to sleep. My eyes and head still ached till now. It's like I just had a horrible hangover.

"Izaya-kun"

I answered nothing.

"Izaya-kun!"

I heard an annoyed sigh coming from beside me. "IZAYA-KUN!"

"huh?" I jerked from my trance and looked at my side and saw Shinra looking down at me with a worried expression. "Shinra.." I said absent-mindedly.

Shinra's expression told me that he was probably more than worried. "There's something wrong with you isn't it?"

I stared at him blankly for a few seconds before returning my gaze back to where it was "What makes you say that?"

"Well.." He took a deep breathe. Oh no not this again "When you came inside the classroom you didn't greet cheerfully, your eyes were red when you came in, when the teacher asked you a question you didn't answer you just stared at him, You've been staring at nothing in particular and You haven't bothered Shizuo since this morning so it's creepy!" He took a deep breathe after finishing then he exhaled after before he stood straight "and those are signs when someone is having problems".

"…"

"Izaya-kun, what happened?"

I sighed as I looked out of the window, admiring the blue sky "I told my mom"

"Eh? You told her? What did she say?" I could sense his eyes are wide.

I looked down and I mumbled sadly "She didn't say anything, but it seemed like she didn't like what I told her"

"Izaya-ku-"

Before Shinra could even finish, my cellphone went off with the special ringtone I used for 'him'. I stood up and excused myself. I walked out of the classroom, not noticing that Shinra still had that expression on his face as his eyes followed me going out.

* * *

><p>I went to a part of the school where the students hardly go to. The janitor's closet<p>

I leaned on the wall after closing the door behind me. I flipped my phone open and placed it on my ear "Hey Shiki-san~!" I greeted happily. After years of keeping this happy act of mine. I could use it to mask unwanted emotions. I could probably become an actor one day.

"Orihara, You didn't pick up your phone yesterday. Where were you?" He asked in a monotone voice with a slight of irritation in it. So, the phone call yesterday was Shiki-san's. Oops.

"I had a run-in with Shizu-chan" I lied.

He sighed "Alright. Anyway, I wanted to tell you about the information I needed last week. I need it now. You passed the deadline on when I wanted it"

Great. Looks like my depression made me forget about my job. "Ah~, the information. Sorry about that Shiki-san. I had some technical errors while I was looking for it so it kinda delayed. So? When to meet?"

"11 am sharp. Alley near at Sunshine building. If your late, I'll ask my guards to serve your head on a silver platter, got that?" He said in a cold, demanding voice".

"Yes sir~" I said jokingly before he hung up. I huffed slightly as I pushed myself off the wall. I slowly opened the door expecting a desk to come flying out of nowhere. And at the same time expecting that an empty hallway would just greet me. I poked my head out to check. Luckily, the hallway was empty. No mop of blonde hair in sight. I felt happy and sad at the same time.

I shook my head and I made my way out of the closet. I walked slowly to the way of my classroom. When I got inside, My eyes widened from what I saw.

Shizu-chan was talking with Mitsukake Hana. And he was smiling. They were laughing and smiling with each other. They looked like….. a couple.

My heart clenched and twisted from the sight. So I guess Shizu-chan accepted her feelings yesterday. My heart clenched more from my thoughts.

I looked for Shinra and saw him still sitting on my desk while talking to Dotachin. He was probably waiting for me to come back to continue our conversation awhile ago. I walked to them and I faked a cough to get their attention. They looked at me and Shinra smiled at me and greeted "Hey Izaya-kun!". While Dotachin just nodded at me as a greeting. I didn't bother to greet them as I sat on my chair with my elbows propped on my desk and my head on my hands.

"hey Izaya, Shinra told me what happened. Are you feeling okay?" said Dotachin in a concerned tone.

Do they really need to comfort someone like me? I'm a total ass to them. I've been thinking of that lately. I'm a selfish bastard and yet they're trying hard to help me with my problem. This is why humans are foolish.

I just looked outside of the window not bothering to look at them. I don't feel like talking about it right now. Besides, my mom practically hates me and thinks I'm disgusting for liking a person with the same gender. Oh joy, I'm getting hurt with my own thoughts.

Shinra held my shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze "Izaya-kun, please don't run away from your problems. We're here to listen to any word you'll say. We're friends remember?"

I rolled my eyes and I wanted to laugh at Shinra's mushy talk. That kind of talk won't convince me to tell them a soul about what I'm feeling and thinking right now. Right now, I feel sad, irritated, empty, nervous, weak, vulnerable and regrettably, jealous. I feel sad and irritated at Shizu-chan and that Hana girl. But, I should just let this go. Shizu-chan deserves better.

"Shinra" I called in a somewhat demanding way.

Shinra seemed a little taken aback "Eh? Yes Izaya-kun?"

"Is Shizu-chan and Mitsukake-san going out?" I asked with my voice barely above a whisper.

"Hah?" Shinra quirked an eyebrow "I-Izaya-kun. Wha-Wha-"

"heh, trying to not hurt my feelings huh?" I said in a smirk. I stood up from my chair not too fast.

Dotachin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion "Izaya, what are you talking about?"

I just faked them a smile "you guys don't need to hide it. They look perfect with each other. I knew that it was impossible for me to confess to Shizu-chan. It was impossible from the start". I took my bag from my desk and slung it over my shoulder. I turned to Shinra "I'll be skipping next period. I still need to do something". I walked fast out of the classroom and I ignored Shinra's call.

I've finally decided.

I'll just give up.

I don't care if this hurts. It hurts more if I just keep on crying over Shizu-chan and my unrequited love. He likes someone else. I can't help it.

"Fuck" I muttered as I walked faster away from school, away from the people, away from Shinra and Dotachin and away from Shizu-chan.

Whatever God is out there. Just please…..

Make my pain go away. Just make me disappear so every single person will be happy.

Also my Shizu-chan. He will be happy with me gone.

* * *

><p><strong>NO! Izaya is NOT gunna commit suicide!...<strong>

**I think…. I dunno ... You guys will just know later**

_Misaki-Sophia: aww... well, I guess two or more chapters won't hurt. Thank you for being interested in my story! :)  
>Jazzy mire: GUURRRL, I would do the same thing XD<br>Purianee: CRUNCHY CRACKERS! SHIZUZUZUZUZUZUZUZUZU  
>Celty-chan-rpfb: oh lol coincidence? XD<br>__AsikIkisa-san: Yeah, It would be nice :D but there will be some slight changes though. Sorry X( and I'm not gonna make the ShitsuSaku fic yet :D I'll make the new one I'm thinking of. But the Shizuo/Izaya counterparts will be there._

**Please review my lovelies! If you won't Raita-san will be sad and will sulk in a corner. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Ohhh my GOODNESS! It's been months since I last updated! Haksgdasdhjga. Forgive me guys! ;A;**

**Anyway, this is probably the 2nd to the last chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara and it's characters. I only own the crappy story XP**

* * *

><p>"IIIII~ZZZAAA~YYAAAA-KUU~N!"<p>

I turned around and saw Shizuo with a metal bar on his shoulders, ready to kill. He looked at me with that savage grin of his "I've been feeling quite pissed lately. So, hold still so I can beat you up senseless!".

"Sorry Shizu-chan"

Shizuo's eyes widened from shock. "huh?".

I smiled at him "Not today. I…don't feel like fighting right now" I walked away far from Shizuo.

_I don't want to see you_

I bit my lower lip to hold back from crying.

_I don't want to hear you_

I turned a corner

_I don't want to feel you_

I leaned on a wall and I slid down to the floor.

_I don't want to be near you_

I hugged my knees and I rested my head on them.

I leaned my head back on the wall as I looked at the ceiling. "Shizuo…" The name leaves a tingling sensation on my tongue. I don't know if I still can handle all of this pain. This is just too much for me.

I don't want this. But it's for the best.

* * *

><p>Me, Shinra and Dotachin were once again on the roof with lunch. Somehow, I'm half relieved and half disappointed that Shizu-chan wasn't around. But, I felt more relieved. Today, I somehow ignored Shizu-chan and avoided to get into fights with him. Of course, this shocked Shizu-chan. I took a piece of ootoro from my lunch box and I plopped it in my mouth. I hummed happily as the taste melted on my tongue. "Sushi is the best~!" I exclaimed. Shinra chuckled from this "We know Izaya-kun we know".<p>

"So Izaya, why did you skip out on class?" asked Dotachin.

I looked at him with my face full of Sushi bits. I swallowed the food in my mouth "It's a secre~t" I said in a sing-song voice.

Shinra took a bite out of his onigiri and asked "You know Izaya-kun? You seem so happy! Did you finally confess?"

I stopped halfway of placing the ootoro in my mouth. Shinra looked at me with a confused expression. Also Dotachin. I placed the sushi back in my bento before frowning at the ground like it had something to do with what I'm feeling right now "No. Didn't I tell you that it's impossible?"

Shinra and Dotachin's expressions earlier deflated to disappointment.

"Izaya-kun. Why?"

I sighed at Shinra "I told you Shinra, it's impossible for me to confess to Shizu-chan. He'll just laugh at my face and he will probably think I'm just pulling his leg or something" I plopped the last sushi into my mouth and I packed up my lunch.

"Izaya? Where are you going?" Asked Dotachin.

I stood up and patted the dust from my pants "I'm going to the classroom. I still have to study" I lied. I don't really need to study for anything. I just want to stay there in the classroom and try to stop these thoughts in my head.

I walked my way to the door. When I opened it, Shizu-chan was there standing in front of the door.

His face scowled and he growled threateningly . "Get lost flea"

"Don't worry I'll be gone sooner or later" I mumbled as I passed by him.

Before I could even take another step I was lifted from the ground. Shizu-chan grabbed the collar of my shirt and glared at me. I just stared at him impassively

"Shi-Shizuo-kun!" Shinra shouted as he stood up and ran to us. He tried to pry off Shizu-chan's hand off my shirt. But it was meaningless, the brute wouldn't budge. "Let go of Izaya-kun!".

I shot a glare at Shinra.

The blonde mumbled something illegible.

"Hah?" was the only thing that came out of my mouth as I raised an eyebrow.

"There's something wrong with you and it's been pissing me off!" He screamed at me. My eyes were wide as I looked at his eyes. A mixture of Anger, Sadness and Concern.

"Shi-Shizu-cha-WAH!" I was pinned to the wall roughly.

He looked at me with those hazel colored eyes blinded with anger and concern "You're not the same prick I know. You're way too different. What have you done with the real Orihara Izaya! TELL ME!" He screamed at my face till our faces were dangerously close. "There' something wrong with you and I'll beat you up until you tell me!"

"Wa-Wait! Shizuo-kun don't!" Shinra shouted at the blonde with a voice full of desperation.

I continued to look down and my bangs covered my eyes. I must look pretty pathetic right now. But I don't really care about that at this moment. "you don't know a thing…"

Shizuo quirked an eyebrow. "What?"

I slapped him across the face and I glared at him with my eyes brimming with tears. Shinra stared at me with wide eyes and Dotachin just looked at us from the spot where he was awhile ago. "DON'T TALK AS IF YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!" I shouted at him.

He slowly turned his head to me and he looked at me with a shocked expression. "I-Izaya?".

My heart skipped a beat as I realized what I just did. I just _slapped_ him. I didn't use my knife to cut or stab him to let me go. I just slapped him across the face.

"SHUT UP!" I shouted at him. Shizuo just looked at me with a bewildered expression. I used this chance to slip away from his hold and run away. I heard him shout my name.

But.

It was different.

The tone wasn't the usual one he used every time with my name. It didn't sound threatening or it wasn't filled with malice. What I heard was.

_Want._

I shook it out of my head as I continued to run. There was no way. Shizuo would never want me. He hated every single molecule of me. He's just messing with my head. That's all.

I had no clue where my feet were taking me. I was just going wherever it takes me. All that matters is that I have to get away from the one who hurts me the most, both body and heart.

Before I could realize, I was already out of the school building and I zipped through crowds of people, pushing them out of my way. Of course there were voices that shouted and eyes that glared daggers at me for doing so.

"**IZAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAAAAA!"**

I looked back and saw that the blonde brute was still right on my tail. As the humans heard the voice that was all too familiar, they panicked and scattered all over the street, thinking that probably vending machines or stop signs will come flying out of nowhere.

But there were none.

It was just an old chase with two teenage boys.

I cursed under my breath and looked forward. I turned to an alley and I looked back, he was still chasing right after me. I turned again, but he was still there. Then I started turning alley after alley to lose the monster.

About 15 minutes passed, I finally lost him. I smiled in relief.

He was gone.

I looked in front of me and saw a large and tall building. It was abandoned. I walked closer to it and tested the door, something was blocking it from the other side. I sighed then I saw a broken window right beside the door. I climbed right through it and looked at the inside. It looked like an old apartment complex. I walked further into the building and saw a door to the stairwell. I opened the door as the hinges creaked from the rust. I looked up and saw an endless flight of stairs. I stopped observing before I walked to the first step of the stairs then a cold feeling rushed on my spine.

Am I going up to end my life?

I narrowed my eyes in thought. "It's for the best" I breathed as I close my eyes.

I took another step.

What will happen to my family? Won't they be sad?

That's ridiculous. They don't care about me. They might dance around my grave when I die. They'll be happy.

Then another and another. Every step I took, another question pops into my mind.

I'm having doubts about my suicide attempt. Questions are circling my mind. But it's for the better of everyone. Especially Shizuo.

They would be happy when I'm gone.

Shizuo would finally have the peace he had been yearning for years. And he would have a beautiful girlfriend and marry her. He would have a wonderful family with no problems. Everything would go his way. His life would be happy and perfect.

Because Orihara Izaya wouldn't be there to give him any more pain and trouble.

Orihara Izaya would be gone for all eternity.

* * *

><p><strong>Ahahaha~ It's not the end yet~! Next chappie might be the last one :3 and I might add an Epilogue. HURR HURR.<strong>

_Jazzy Mire: pffftt Contain your screams next time XD But thanks._

_Purianee: Hell yeah IzaIza :V Stop being a pansy and get 'im back!_

_RavenBlackRoses: ohohoho~ nooo~ next chapter is the end :3 Enjoy it while you can~_

_Misaki-Sophia: D-Did I disappoint you? ;v;_

**Review for next chappie my lovelies~!**


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